The Riskiest Decision

August is my birth month. It is supposed to be a fun-filled and worry-free month. But it didn't turn out that way. It became a thorny decision-making month, where I am honestly not good at. It was stuffed with choices; from choosing whether to throw a party on my birthday or just dine in a resto... to thinking where I ought to hone my future. Sounds weird?!

I know my problems are insignificant compared to other world's dilemmas, but I am still human. Hence, facing those choices pains me, especially both choices are so important to me. As you know, choosing is attached with sacrificing. Once you choose, you sacrifice the other one.

One morning, I woke up and felt huge pressure heavily slid through me. I realized that I am not getting younger anymore. I just turned 22. Oh wait! I am now a 22-year-old lady who is very childish and dependent. That cannot be! Time will come that I have no one to lean on. I need to learn how to stand on my own feet. But learning this would mean sacrificing things I have now. Presently, I am torn between these 2 choices: safe zone or personal growth.

As you may know, I am residing in Saudi Arabia with the whole family who provides all my needs, working in a company that gives me enough dough and I got a fab life in the midst of the crowd, under a spotlight, and in front of a camera. Contentment? I have it. I am content with the life I am living, but I sense there is a big space in me that should be occupied. I am ONLY being comfortable with my situation in life. Comfort without meaning. Shandel Stalent, the founder of True Life Coaching, said "A meaningful life means continual growth — always stepping beyond your comfort zone into the unknown, unexpected and undefined.”

I am one of the segment hosts of TFC Kabayan Tamabayan.

with my challengers

A meaningful life is what I seek. I asked myself, "How will I obtain a meaningful life?" Without a minute, the answer appeared. My dream sprang to mind. It was a dream that eventually became a passion. Passion that cannot be seen in the place where I am currently at. This made me decide to return to my homeland, Philippines... A precarious path.

It took many sleepless nights before I came to this challenging decision. But the longer part here was the process of gaining my parents' blessing. I could not blame them if they deprecated my plans before. Like what I said, I've been amazingly living a comfortable life in here. My family is with me. I have my job which makes me financially secure and safe. Unlike in the Philippines, I will surely start from scratch. I need to delve into the employment arena, aggressively compete with millions of unemployed Filipinos and battle over low employment opportunities.

My lovies!

@ Mirage

I opted to get back to my country, not because of its freedom. As they said, sometimes the greatest personal growth comes from choosing things/places that are not the most comfortable, but instead force you to see life from a different angle. Yes, I want to be an independent woman. But this kind of life in no way implies an escape from being a good daughter. I will surely be monitored by my parents and will still be asking permission to go somewhere else. I have my own interpretation of independence. Being independent means being able to be responsible for every action you do and learn to find solution to a problem without fear.

I already booked a flight. I will be flying back to Philippines on the 2nd of December. I will not lie! My heart is badly draped with fears, apprehensions, and sadness. Many "what if's" are continuously bursting in my mind. What if I do not succeed? What if I fail? Blah... Blah... Blah...

Itenerary

I want to grow, right? I want to be fulfilled, remember? I will not be able to achieve this without failure. Everyone passes this stage. I may not succeed, but at least I tried. I do not want to get old with regrets of not trying. In the long run, these trials will become my ingredients to grow and lead an independent life.

After this, you will see a new Annizah... A crying baby no more. A lady who stands tall as she wears success on her sleeves.