Our Year

10... 9... 8... 7... 6... 5... 4... 3... 2... 1...

You and I did the countdown. We both said hello to the year 2011 with our arms tied together. We heard a crackling and fireworks began to shoot up into the air. You whispered in my ears "Happy new year, baby" then kissed my forehead. The twinkling gave me inkling that year 2011 would be our year.

Yes. It has been our year. Our year to say farewell. This year tested us. Love and patience were put through paces. It was the rockiest stage we entered into. Rocks lying along the path were many and huge that we couldn't handle anymore.

Yes. It has been our year. Our year to achieve our own dreams, but not dreams of us as a couple. We both excel in our chosen field of endeavor and succeed in our selected career. You gained a trophy for playing a musical instrument and I gained a tiara from a certain pageant. Also, 3 months from now we'll be receiving college diploma. You amazed me how you create computer programs and build a website. And I know you're proud of me each time I do public speaking with confidence.

Yes. It has been our year. Our year to grow as an individual.  We've been through a lot of challenges which made us understand obscure things and complicated feelings. You are no longer my beau and I am no longer your girl. We ended the romance, but we learned several lessons from it.

Few more hours and I'll be rolling out the red carpet for 2012. It may appear like you will not be a part of it anymore. But with all honesty... you will always be a part of every new year that will arrive because you'll forever be in my heart and mind.

Men Take the Lead

I've been believing that men and women are equal regardless of others considering our society patriarchal. What men do, women can do. What men have, women can have. What men get, women can get. I've been embracing this principle ever since... Not until I encountered a certain complicated scenario...

Before I hit the bell, I would like to tell readers that this issue could be corney, baloney, or whatsoever. But whatever reaction you'd give, I don't care. Haha!  I just want to SHARE! So here...

Filipinos have a very humble and conservative tradition and I adopt it in some way. When a man desires an opposite sex, he performs the so-called "panliligaw" or courtship. He exerts effort and treat the woman like a queen as means to win her heart. Man is supposed to initiate the holy courtship, not the woman. But what if it's the other way around? What if the woman likes a guy? Should she make the first move? Is it wrong for a woman to propose courtship?

I was pursued by men before, like every girl experienced. If I don't like the guy, I courteously say it to him. But if I do, I tell him but I make him sweat it out. He has to exert and attest his wholeheartedness. Never did it happen that I was the one who showed my adoration towards a guy, though I did tweetums a bit when I was in high school. Lol!

Here's the thing... I have a girl friend who likes this particular guy so much. They talk and hangout, until the guy becomes special to her heart. However, he doesn't feel the same way and this makes my friend very sad. She asked me if it is alright to confess her admiration. I answered her with a BIG NO. She told me how she feels. She turns into a Drama Queen whenever she talks about him. She thinks life can be so unfair. She is a woman so she is supposed to shut up and just wait for a guy to like her. She uttered a line which captured me, "Yung mga lalake, maliligawan agad yung gusto nila. E pano naman tayong mga babae?" (Men could pursue girls they fancy. How about women?) I told her that she has to wait. Perhaps there is a reason he is not doing the initiative just yet. But if the guy doesn't really like her, she has no choice but to accept it. Then she responded "Girlfriends do not like their boyfriends at first. Their boyfriends courted them that's why they were able to prove themselves and eventually had become lovers. Why are women not allowed to prove themselves to win a man's heart?" She got me there. Out of the blue, I thought that there is one thing that women can never do but men can, and that is wooing.

I felt sad for my chum. I somehow felt that women lack power in that aspect. Though it may seem strange, it is not wrong for a woman to initiate. But since there is a standard to uphold, woman has to wait. And I personally believe that men must really be the one to do the courtship. It is basically because they have to meet challenges and be able to discover their manhood. If the woman does the thing, then man has no challenges to meet. If he gets it with ease, he may not value and give effort to the relationship as much.

To all of us girls, let us just wait for Mr. Right. Let us not look for him. Let him look for us. Let him treat us like Queens in dazzling castles! =)

Taken Aback

I was so bored and tired at the office last night. So I opted to text him. I told him I wanted to gobble sweet brownies ‘coz of stress. After 3 hours, I received a message from him and said “Hinanap ko ABS-CBN building. Baba ka. I bought something for you”. I didn’t know what to respond. He came all the way from South just to hand me this super-short-term craving. Max’s brownies and a stress pillow to kill stress. Haha. We weren’t able to have dinner because my training ended at 7-ish in the morning.

Probably, I was 20 steps closer to the finish line of this “moving on” road race. And now, it seems like I’m running backward. -_-

Stuck In An Elevator With You

I was sitting inside a car, looking from afar, feeling the coldness, and pinning back my ears to a certain radio station. All of a sudden, engaging words from the radio DJ passed through my ears... "If you could get stuck in an elevator with anyone you want, who would it be? And what are the things you would do?"

Honestly, I didn't have to thoroughly think of an answer because one person popped up in my mind right away... It was HIM. If I could get stuck in an elevator with anybody, that would be the man I really adore.

This guy who caught my eyes is a 90% stranger to me. I only know wee details about him like everybody does, and most of them are flimsy seems like the personal information section of a resume. I've been hearing piece of information about him. There is one not-so-deep info I learned, but I do think it's not enough. It doesn't satisfy my interest in him at all. Hence, this is the reason why he is the first person that comes to mind when I heard the intriguing question of the disc jockey. I want to know him more and hear it directly from him.

I imagine myself and him sitting face to face on the elevator floor. Probably, I would start to ask queries at random. If he likes to share things with me, my pleasure! But honestly, I would love to learn new facts about him; his family, studies, weaknesses, strengths, dreams, future plans, heartaches, happy days, hobbies, everything! Even the grossest and craziest things about him are welcome. And if he does, I would just stare at his countenance and incessantly listen to all things he reveals. Certainly, each fresh fact goes straight to my mind and heart. I don't care if ever he doesn't ask anything concerning me. I would just be all ears.

Another reason why I choose to be trapped with him is the assurance that he would not desolate me nor let me feel scared inside the lift. If I turn my head towards him and tell him I'm scared, he would utter no words, but shows me don't-be-scared and you-can-make-it gestures. Sure, he would not be selfish and only save himself from being trapped. He is not that kind of guy, as far as I know. He would find a solution to escape while making me comfortable and helping me keep my composure. He is very gentlemanly.

If it's time to escape... the moment we step out of the stranded elevator, I would heartily thank him. And lastly, I would hug him. Yes, I would do that. I would take that chance before we part ways and become 100% strangers again.

In the Arms of My Best Friend

Every living soul meets his friends in this world. And among those friends, there is this one person whom you consider as the most special. And we call that "most special friend"... BEST FRIEND.

I have a best friend for almost 5 years. He is always there for me in spite of the distance between us. We seldom see each other. We meet every month, that makes a total of 12 meetings in one year. It's pretty jaw-dropping how we were able to build friendship when we only gather 12 days out of 365 days. Nonetheless, cellphone and internet play a big role to us. These two are our ways to constantly communicate with each other. We talk on the phone from sunset 'til the sun rises.

Hanging out with my best friend is the highlight of every month. Insomnia attacks me the night before the day we meet. It seems like it is always the biggest day of my life. And the moment he comes into view, he never forgets to throw his killer smile at me. That just makes my heart melt! OMG! I feel like running towards him and give him a bear hug. My fave past time with him is plainly going on a road trip with a seemingly non-existing destination. Even the dullest street on earth would turn into a colorful one when the chauffeur is your best friend. Goofing around and munching all day are also on the list.

This person sure is fun-to-be-with, but that is not the sole thing I like about him. He understands me. I could tell him random things about me without being misinterpreted. I could enumerate every stuff I own, from my cheapest accessory to the luxurious gadget, without receiving negative impression from him. If I would do that in front of others, they would certainly think I brag too much. Good listener, he is. He listens to all things I share, whether it be small talk or rant or even baloney ones. He knows every single thing about me. A good listener who keeps secret, a good listener who gives significant advice.

I feel comfortable around him. I could make poker face and he would say I am still beautiful. I could spill chocolate shake on my pink shirt and get stain and he would say I am clumsy yet cute. I could make my feet stinky and he would laugh at me but would not be disgusted.

Patience and composure - he always has these two in his pocket. We love cracking jokes and jestingly insulting each other. He doesn't get irritated easily and barely loses his temper. But when I am caught on the hook, he apologizes and kisses my forehead even if it is my fault. And I appreciate that so much!

My best buddy is my stress reliever. He has the power to convert dreary days to fascinating ones. And no matter how pressured I am, just one touch of his hand, I become cheered.

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Presently, these do not exist anymore. Each sentence is on a simple present form. I intentionally created it that way because I want these things to be in existence again. I terribly miss my best friend! Sadly, I just had to end it due to variety of reasons. We may not last the friendship but I still feel lucky that he was once a best friend of mine and contributed several meaningful memories and lessons to my life.

It was nice meeting you.

Did I ever cross your mind? Did you ever talk about me with friends? Have you stared at me long enough to see how amazing I could be? 3 simple things for everyone but seem to be impossible on your part.

This time I don't want to be deceitful, like I deceive every time you are beside me. Pretending as if I do not enjoy every moment I am with you, but I do. Every action you do, I scrutinize like a hawk. I secretly gaze at your lips while it spills a word. Word produced by a well-tuned voice. Stably I watch your eyes as you have far-off look and wish that you would bat an eye. But when you do, either I bow down my head or divert my eyes and ostensibly blush. I feel enchanted whenever you ask question about me, making me feel that you're interested in me. Butterflies begin to glide in my stomach each time I see you from afar and everything appears to move slowly when we literally meet each other halfway. The knight-errant of your hands gently hold mine as you guide me walking on a craggy terrain. You just don't know how you make me feel beautiful. Tons of people utter compliment about me, but yours are the sweetest. Therefore, I accept them with good grace. 

Air, I am only that to you. You feel my presence in your skin but you don't care. Pragmatic, that is.

I adore you. I do. I really do. And I'm aware that these wishes scampering in my head like a roller coaster are beyond the boundary of possibility. Hence, I will take joy in every juncture that we are together. This journey will eventually disappear like a snap. But before it has to end and become strangers again, let me tell you this... IT WAS NICE MEETING YOU.

Hailed as "Pulutan Queen"

Do I rave in the bar? Yes, I do.

Do I dementedly dance on the dance floor? Yes, I do.

Do I scream out loud inside the place? Yes, I do.

Do I drink beer? No, I don't. But I eat all the finger food served at the table. =D

with my Mr. and Ms. CEU 2012 co-candidates @ Music Bank

I do party with friends. And yes, I dance and eat with them. They drink liquor while I gobble the finger food. Haha!

I guess, I was 18 when I realized that "inuman" is different from "kainan". Seriously... I had to observe my friends action before I actually thought of it. Drinkers talk about random things or share anything as they consume the bottle of alcohol. A friend told me that consuming alcohol drinks like a flash would likewise  ruin the bonding moment like a shot. It is because drinkers would be intoxicated too soon and may lose his sense. I used to wonder why boozers are annoyed to a person who eats a lot but drinks a little amount of beer. Well, I think I still interrogate that til now. The only answer I could give to myself is the first sentence of this paragraph. And I'm not convinced. I need to contemplate more. =D

with Akson Ngayon-DZMM staff @ Garahe

I had a hilarious experience. I was chilling with a new set of buddies. They were the Aksyon Ngayon - DZMM family. I believe they were shocked to know that I don't drink. They saw me how I ate up all the appetizers/finger food and was given an iced tea by the waiter. They mocked me and Neil, a gay friend, shouted "And the Best in Pulutan award goes to" then pointed at me. Hahaha... This was not my first time to be called as "Pulutan Queen". I was called as one many times.

Me, Neil, Maine

I wanna see myself drunk regardless of my hatred in the taste of alcohol. Lolz! All joking aside. I'm serious. I wanna know how too much intake of alcohol would affect my behavior. I wanna feel how painful hangover is. But the question is, how am I gonna experience that if I ain't trying at all? Haha! Mom and dad would send me to hell if I do so. I'm just curious! =D

Lucky am I to have friends who barely force me to try alcohol and let me just munch during the whole chilling session. And before I end my blog, I would like to clarify things. I am not the party girl people assume I am, nor a girl who drinks. I really don't. Controlling myself is not my sword, I just extremely hate its taste. Don't get me wrong here. Neither do I brag nor be hypocrite and pretend like an angel from heaven. I have nothing against alcohol and drinkers for nobody knows... I might do the same deed the next day. It's just that I have this feeling, this kind of impression brings negative feedback on my parents, particularly on my father who is a Muslim. So, just respect my principle. Haha! =)

Thanks for reading! =)

Outside My Experience

I walk along the long street of Maryland without feeling merry at all. Where is the beige painted wall? Where is the pink comfy bed? I cannot hear the booming laughter of children. Neither a music coming from a pink netbook that brings relaxation every night. Phineas and Ferb no longer goof around the room. How about those tasty food and refreshing juices prepared by an uncle who cooks like a pro-chef?

@ ABS-CBN Global

These things are nowhere to be seen today and tonight. Every object I hold is strange. Every wall I lean on is unknown. Every face I meet is unfamiliar. Every street I walk onto is unexplored.

@ ABS-CBN Global

My training in ABS-CBN has begun. Nervousness did not exist in my vocabulary list the moment I stepped on the furnished floor of our office. I don't know. That's what I felt! My stay there is fine though it's pretty boring sometimes. I have no close friends yet. My bosses are affable and colleagues are friendly for they smile at me every time I bump into them. I have no problem in any way, so far. Fortunate I am because some of my classmates likewise work at the network, on other department though. So we possibly meet or munch together during lunch time / break time. Not to mention, I am friends with their bosses too and was able to bond with them. Haha!

with the Aksyon Ngayon-DZMM family @ Garahe

I am living an independent life, as I conjure up an image of myself now and understand the scenario. I live in a dormitory (in Maryland street) with various professional women and one gay call center agent. Well, he is considered as a woman technically. No... by heart! Haha! Our landlady is aptly caring. I am the youngest among them which makes me feel like a youngest sister by their warm treatment.

with my classmates @ Garahe

Everything sails smoothly, I may say. I benefit from this for I learn how to be self-determining. But honestly, I don't feel happiness with this set up, so do my parents and guardians. They regularly check on me and my parents make overseas call, only to make sure I am safe. If you ask the reason behind staying in Manila... It would be more dangerous if I drive myself home (in Pampanga) every night.

ABS-CBN building is surrounded by bunch of restaurants and bars. The colorful moving lights and lively music I hear give me sadness. I walk alongside those resto bars as I go in search of my car, and then I would whisper, "My super friends and I will certainly enjoy this place". The environment is just perfect to chill at with my super friends. And ugh! They are not with me. I have problem which only appears every night and that is WHERE-TO-HAVE-DINNER. It is a problem for me because I kinda feel awkward each time I eat in a resto alone and some diners stare at me. There was one night I had my dinner at ChicBoy. It's a good restaurant but there were few tables seated by guests who drank liquor. I just felt uneasy. Due to my stay in Manila, no one's there to cook yummy food for me. It's either I go to a fast food or some fine dining restos. And I'm sick of it. It hella gives me craving for sardines, tuyo, dilis, longanisa, and the like. My schedule for my training is deadly, like what I've written on my previous blog. It is tiring, making me want to sleep for one whole day. Tiredness is seen on me; weight loss, darker eye circles, slim cheeks. I appear like a 30-year-old lady. (-_-)

Despite the hardship I carry on my shoulder, I still want to take it positively. I convince myself that it is only a challenge and I will be able to hand my parents a diploma afterwhich. And I try to enjoy every single of it as much as I can for this is a once in a lifetime experience. A new out-of-the-country vacay (not in the kingdom of Saudi Arabia) is waiting for me. I can't wait! =)