Underneath

Why do I conceal my genuine feelings in front of a mortal's eye?

I am a very communicative person but I am not articulate. Or perhaps I intentionally communicate inarticulately, especially when it is about intimate issues. I unduly express myself when I am happy. I can let the whole world know how ecstatic I am. But when things get pretty complex, I shut my mouth.

Often do I crack jokes, even if I carry a heavy heart. I can turn up the corners of my mouth even though something pinches me inside. I believe this is the easiest thing to do. It is simpler than ranting about problems. I use fewer muscles when I laugh than when I sob. But do you know what the main reason is? I do not want to let people know my weaknesses. If I unveil my true emotions, they sure will.

The problem is I am vulnerable. Yes, you would see my crying over random stuffs. But you would never hear me talk about it, especially when it concerns the person I am with. I have a feeling that he would take advantage of my weakness once he has learned about it.

Insincerity? Hypocrisy? Yes, I may have these. But please, just let me. This is where I find comfort. This is where I feel safe.

Let me smile before your very eyes and let me frown underneath.