I was standing on a dark stage in front of people whose faces were vague. Spotlight excruciatingly illuminated my sweaty countenance. I just directly stared at the light. It was a plain yellow light, until flashback came into view. Fortuitous, this journey was.
THE GOOD NEWS
"Annizah, you'll be our representative for Ms. CEU 2012", our university president told me. I did not believe him the moment I heard it. I was like "Oh c'mon! You're kidding me!" Representing a prestigious school never came to mind, honestly and seriously. There is an abundance of beautiful Escolarians mooching around the campus, why me? Though I found it unbelievable, still I admit, it was a good news. Who would turn down such a big opportunity? I was partnered with an unknown person who eventually became a friend.
This so-called "good news" was dispersed. It was implausible in the beginning, till I just saw myself rehearsing with co-candidates. All I could do was to mouth "It is real".
This so-called "good news" was dispersed. It was implausible in the beginning, till I just saw myself rehearsing with co-candidates. All I could do was to mouth "It is real".
THE COMMITMENT
So easy to accept but too difficult to consistently perform the activity at a certain time. This is how I see myself months before the big day. My partner and I were not able to attend rehearsals and meeting regularly due to various reasons; distance, schedule conflict, etc. This reason engendered annoyance to our choreographer, some of the staff, and few co-candidates. Several absences caused a little bit of ruin to the blocking, routine, or even to the entire production, I guess. It was a sorta big issue to everyone that we had to make compromises. We apologized to all, most especially to our choreographer who was angry with us at the beginning but eventually gave us a chance.
Once you accept commitment, sacrifice automatically comes. Candidates and staff sacrificed many things. Many of us were not attending classes, training, or even personal meetings. Malolos people's sacrifice was pretty heavier than Mendiola and Makati folk's. Prime reason was distance. Whenever we appear at rehearsal, I would arrive home at around 12-ish or 1-ish in the midnight. I actually experienced being awake for more than 24 hours because after my training in Quezon City, I would head to CEU - Malolos for my class, then would go to CEU - Mendiola for rehearsal. No wonder, I lost weight and appeared worn and exhausted that period I guess til now... But it was worth it!
THE NEW FAMILY
We showed up at rehearsal behind time. Hence, my partner and I were like strangers at first. Our colleagues were already familiar with each other. However, meeting us for the first time never became a reason to isolate themselves from us. They warmly welcomed us instead. Thus, we instantly became friends.
I personally felt my colleagues' care for us, regardless of us being absent most of the time. Every time we were omitted by our choreographer, they talked to us, gave us advice, and hugged us. There was never a dull moment in every rehearsal. It was always exciting around them. We even hung out with them at varied restos and bars.
I joined several contests and met various people, but these people are close to my heart. They are the closest colleagues I have ever had. Competition sure existed among us, but friendship reigned. Friendship that turned out to be a relationship of being sisters and brothers. Different persons with different personalities built one big happy family, the Mr. and Ms. CEU 2012 family.
THE SUCCOR
There came a point where I wanted to quit. It was not only my body that got tired, but my mind as well. There was one night where I got home from rehearsal, I asked a certain question from my mom and sister. They were not able to respond immediately. All of a sudden, I just freaked out. I found myself rolling vehemently on my bed, kicking my pillows, and sending tons of text messages to my mom and sister. I don't know what was in my mind at that moment. I couldn't control the movement of my body that I burst into tears in the end. No matter how crazy I was, my parents and sister tried to understand what I was going through. They told me to drink water, breathe deeply, take a rest, and pray, rather than scolding me. They knew how knackered my mind and body were.
Yes, my family is miles away from me, but distance has never been a hindrance in demonstrating their support. My family kept on saying "good luck" and praying for me the whole time. They always asked what I need and advised me. They lifted me up. Before the big event began, they phoned me. I was able to speak to all of them, even my 2 nephews. It is kinda funny that tears were falling from my eyes while talking to them. I dunno! I prolly missed them so much and wished they could watch me perform.
My relatives, especially my Uncle June, were also there to guide me. Some of them were not able to come on the coronation night but I knew they were already proud of me, though I haven't won yet. Moreover, Raiza, Mariz, and Ariane went backstage to visit me. It surprised me. My Super Friends were very supportive from beginning to end.
And of course, my CEU - Malolos family... Every day, I was receiving "good luck" words from students, professors, and staff from different colleges/department. This gave me overwhelming joy. These 2 words significantly boosted my self-esteem. One group that never will I forget is the USC (University Student Council). If my partner and I sacrificed so much, they likewise did. They rendered great patience. Who would be willing to accompany 2 candidates on their practice in Mendiola and go home late? Who would let their heads be in the clouds, doing nothing within 5-6 hours while waiting for us? I could not help but to feel ashamed and say "sorry" and "thank you". My CEU - Malolos family supported us not only financially, but in every aspect.
Of course, as a standard, we were required to wear 5-inch heels during practice. Whenever the heels of my feet were in pain, I would just think of these kind people, and pain would suddenly go away afterwards.
THE TRIUMPH
From an ordinary Escolarian to Ms. CEU 2nd-runner up. Yes! You read it right. I bagged this award. I wasn't able to bag the title, but this is already a glorious achievement. In fact, I did not expect to win.
I wasn't able to obtain any special award, neither did I feel I was praised by the crowd. I was standing on the stage, doing cat walk, and giving my best, but I sensed neither the crowd nor judges liked me. I don't know if I was just being pessimist or what. Certainly, self-confidence dropped that made me lose hope.This made me feel I would just be a clapper and go home with nothing.
During the announcement of winners, I was not excited to hear it for I thought I would not win. My partner's name was called. He was acknowledged as the Mr. CEU 2nd-runner up. I was like "OMG! It would be a big shame on my part if my partner wins and I would not." I felt like running away. It would be a loss of face when that happened. Random thoughts ran through my mind. Nevertheless, I was keeping the smile on my face. Until the emcee proclaimed the Ms. CEU 2nd runner-up was candidate number 6. I looked at the number card pinned to my gown. I even checked on it twice. It was me! Unbelievably, I was the Ms. CEU 2nd runner-up.
After the whole event, my CEU - Malolos family ran toward us. I saw them holding tarpaulins and balloons, smiling, and heard them congratulating us. I cried! They touched me deeply! It is melting to see people, who are not even cognate to you, supporting and cheering for you. (Commercial break: Tears falling while typing. Lolz!) Our college dean wiped my tears using tissue. I hugged almost all of them.
REALIZATION (LAST PART)
The dark stage was my journey. The spotlight which illuminated me was the hope given by people whose faces were vague at first but I was able to recognize them at the end of the day. Everything that happened throughout this journey was extraordinary. To be chosen as the representative of CEU - Malolos for Mr. & Ms. CEU 2012 is already an honour and to be the Ms. CEU 2nd runner-up is a big blessing from God. And of course, being supported by good people is more than just attaining the crown.
When you dream, never quit for God gave you everything and your loved ones will always be there for you. When you fall, stand up. Just always believe in yourself and never stop dreaming! :) ~ANNIZAH CAMID
