It's the last day of the month of September. This month has been amazingly spectacular. God has showered me with myriad blessings. My heart is very thankful, but I am so stupid for ending so many days/nights of this month without talking to and thanking Him. Well, I always pray before I sleep but I unconsciously fall asleep amid conversing with Him - which I know it is not good. This is perhaps due to lack of focus.

Since I am into blogging and I express myself through it, I want to share my letter to God with you.

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Dear God,

I want to end this month thanking you for all the things I have received.

Thank You for the love and care you gave me, and not only me...
Thank You for taking care of my loved ones as well.
Thank You for the healthy food we eat.
Thank You for the little luxuries we indulge in.
Thank You for the opportunities that have been coming my way.

I welcomed this month with many confusions and worries,
But I know it is Your way of challenging me to eked out some strength to be a stronger person.
You reminded me that these weaknesses could be my source of tenacity.
Thank You for guiding me in making decisions.
Thank You for helping me stand up after a downfall.

People come and go.
People who went away but left precious memories I could always cherish, thank You.
People who just came and are now giving me reasons to appreciate life more, thank You.
People who never left my side since day one, thank You.
I have the best family in this world, thank You.

I want to end this month apologizing for all the sins I have done.

I am sorry for the anger and hatred I feel towards others.
I am sorry for  paining a person who knows nothing but to love me dearly.
I am sorry for ignoring people who have pure intention towards me.
I am sorry for there are times that I talk back to my parents and I become mean to my siblings.
I am sorry for hurting many people, intentionally and unintentionally.

I want to end this month asking for little things, not for me, but for my loved ones.

Please guide my friends, colleagues, RIS/CEU families, relatives, and my family.
Please save us from accident, sickness, any harm.
Please make Mama and Papa stronger and healthier so they can be with us for a million years.
Please help my super friends in achieving their goals.
Please do not forget that my heart is forever thankful.

Amen.

First Asian Tour - Hong Kong

Nobody is too old for Disneyland. Visiting this amusing place is everyone's dream. I am 101% sure of it!

This post is 4 months late. We had our first Asian tour on the 27th of May at Hong Kong and Shenzhen, China. The whole idea was made when we realized my nephews are now youngsters and can appreciate and recognize Mickey Mouse. So, we decided to take them to Disneyland. This trip was actually unexpected.  My parents hate travelling or long-distance trip. Hence, my siblings and I laboriously made hoax and batting of eyelashes until they brought out the big "YES".

We stayed there for 3 days and 2 nights only. On our first day, a shuttle accompanied us to our hotel. It was a lovely clean city.  We took a rest at the hotel the whole day. My parents were really tired of the plane trip that they did not even want to rove around. But having wanted to make our tummies happy, we went to metropolis. Initially, we were a bit apprehensive about trying Hong Kong dishes. So, we went on the safe side and headed to McDonald's. I was stunned to see Black & White Burgers. OMG! But I did not try 'em because I have no strong appetite for burgers.

Second day was enervative. I am not kidding! Our itinerary was packed. We had a city tour in the morning.  We visited various tourist spots and other boutiques. Morning activities consumed darn 80% of our energy, I tell you. When the clock stroke 2 and needed to get to Disneyland, my whole family and I were already very exhausted. But this amazingly enchanting land was the most awaited tourist spot, so the remaining 20% energy was prolonged. My outfit here was obviously not appropriate for any theme parks. I wore this on purpose. I was not gagging when I said, I would wear a dress for a reason that I felt like "I am of the Disney princesses". I fluttered my floral dress all over the place. Lol! Due to limited time, we were unable to amble the whole resort. I was kinda dismayed for having not ridden their extreme rides.. My companions (supposed-to-be) were scared.

After we enjoyed Disneyland, we directly proceeded to our flight to Shenzhen, China. That was around 9-ish in the evening. Too much physical effort, huh?! Our sojourn in here was not so special for me. But as for my parents, it was a fantastic shopping-spree day, especially in the Bamboo boutique. The only scene I enjoyed was the Window of the World.

I want to visit many picturesque places but I hate the tiring concept of travelling. Ironies! Knowing that it would take much of my energy makes me feel lazy to create my itinerary. How am I going to visit these places without travelling? Lol! No wonder whom I obtain this character from. All I can say is "The family that travels together (regardless of how tiring it could be), stays together FOREVER." (Lately, Been using this line a lot.)

The Riskiest Decision

August is my birth month. It is supposed to be a fun-filled and worry-free month. But it didn't turn out that way. It became a thorny decision-making month, where I am honestly not good at. It was stuffed with choices; from choosing whether to throw a party on my birthday or just dine in a resto... to thinking where I ought to hone my future. Sounds weird?!

I know my problems are insignificant compared to other world's dilemmas, but I am still human. Hence, facing those choices pains me, especially both choices are so important to me. As you know, choosing is attached with sacrificing. Once you choose, you sacrifice the other one.

One morning, I woke up and felt huge pressure heavily slid through me. I realized that I am not getting younger anymore. I just turned 22. Oh wait! I am now a 22-year-old lady who is very childish and dependent. That cannot be! Time will come that I have no one to lean on. I need to learn how to stand on my own feet. But learning this would mean sacrificing things I have now. Presently, I am torn between these 2 choices: safe zone or personal growth.

As you may know, I am residing in Saudi Arabia with the whole family who provides all my needs, working in a company that gives me enough dough and I got a fab life in the midst of the crowd, under a spotlight, and in front of a camera. Contentment? I have it. I am content with the life I am living, but I sense there is a big space in me that should be occupied. I am ONLY being comfortable with my situation in life. Comfort without meaning. Shandel Stalent, the founder of True Life Coaching, said "A meaningful life means continual growth — always stepping beyond your comfort zone into the unknown, unexpected and undefined.”

I am one of the segment hosts of TFC Kabayan Tamabayan.

with my challengers

A meaningful life is what I seek. I asked myself, "How will I obtain a meaningful life?" Without a minute, the answer appeared. My dream sprang to mind. It was a dream that eventually became a passion. Passion that cannot be seen in the place where I am currently at. This made me decide to return to my homeland, Philippines... A precarious path.

It took many sleepless nights before I came to this challenging decision. But the longer part here was the process of gaining my parents' blessing. I could not blame them if they deprecated my plans before. Like what I said, I've been amazingly living a comfortable life in here. My family is with me. I have my job which makes me financially secure and safe. Unlike in the Philippines, I will surely start from scratch. I need to delve into the employment arena, aggressively compete with millions of unemployed Filipinos and battle over low employment opportunities.

My lovies!

@ Mirage

I opted to get back to my country, not because of its freedom. As they said, sometimes the greatest personal growth comes from choosing things/places that are not the most comfortable, but instead force you to see life from a different angle. Yes, I want to be an independent woman. But this kind of life in no way implies an escape from being a good daughter. I will surely be monitored by my parents and will still be asking permission to go somewhere else. I have my own interpretation of independence. Being independent means being able to be responsible for every action you do and learn to find solution to a problem without fear.

I already booked a flight. I will be flying back to Philippines on the 2nd of December. I will not lie! My heart is badly draped with fears, apprehensions, and sadness. Many "what if's" are continuously bursting in my mind. What if I do not succeed? What if I fail? Blah... Blah... Blah...

Itenerary

I want to grow, right? I want to be fulfilled, remember? I will not be able to achieve this without failure. Everyone passes this stage. I may not succeed, but at least I tried. I do not want to get old with regrets of not trying. In the long run, these trials will become my ingredients to grow and lead an independent life.

After this, you will see a new Annizah... A crying baby no more. A lady who stands tall as she wears success on her sleeves.