'Tis the season...

'Tis the season to be beautiful, to have a shopping binge, and to meet friends. But I'd rather surf the net while I chomp wafer sticks with my pyjamas on.

 

Everyone is prepping for the holidays (Christmas and New Year).  I saw my aunts having cooked sumptuous food, my uncles having decorated their houses, and my cousins having tried out their new clothes. Whereas, I see on Facebook that my friends hang out here and there.

 

I've been here in the Philippines for almost 4 weeks already. My mission here has not veritably started yet for I have to return to Saudi Arabia by February for a resident visa renewal purpose. This causes deferment. What's keeping me busy now is the small business invested by my mom. It is only a  mini-mart which was built by the generous hands of my Uncle June. I have planned to commit myself to handling it personally for the whole month of December, that I rejected several hangout invitations from friends and even ditched CEU Alumni Homecoming. So here I am, spending my whole day talking to customers and selling goods.

 

Small business, it is, but it injects me with a strong dose of stress. Each day I spend inside this mart makes me want to spew. There are even times that I feel depressed and miserable. It is simply because this is not  my cup of tea nor my preferred bread and butter. I do not know if I am just being jerk, but doing this everyday changes my outlook in life. Worse... it changes negatively. I become more desperate and a bit of depressed. What makes me go on is hearing my mom's joyous laughter as I tell her about the store.

 

2013 will end soon. I can see 2014 waving hello. I try my hardest to end the year with positive vibes, but that is not how I feel. I do not want to be dishonest with myself. I am unhappy. Thankfully, I have my family and friends who always pulls both ends of my lips.

I will leave it all to God...

One Last Dream

Dream big and pursue it. But what if you are not destined to aim that dream, despite the hardships and perseverance you mounted? Will you still strive, even if you only have a wee time? Or just stop and dream for another dream?

I'm a big dreamer and a hardworking pursuer. I have always dreamt of 2 things; one is a profession and the other is a competition. They've been my dreams, ever since I was a little kid. I submitted to the gradual process so as to gain experience. I took the so-called "stepping stone". Patience and courage were my magical sword. Having passed every course of action uplifted my spirit. But now that I am 22 years old and haven't achieved them yet, I am losing hope.

Young, still I am. But I feel like my dreams are becoming far-fetched. They are going beyond me... way, way beyond me. Call me pessimist! But here... Try to put aside negativity and step your feet on a realistic pavement. Not all people who exerted massive effort for their dreams succeeded. What might be the reasons? One might not be having all the means (location, season, age, connections, money, etc.). Cast out hypocrisy. I do have a point, don't I? Another might be the different plan of destiny, which is more harrowing. A person may have all means and all positive characters, but if a thing is not meant for you, you can do nothing then.

I just dropped my dream competition for I realized I do not have the prowess and connections, seriously and realistically. I am alright and happy with all the springboards I previously joined.

 

I am currently working on my dream profession. This is the reason I got back to the Philippines. This is my dream where I am willing to give up everything. If it would cost me to fly back to Saudi Arabia or even go hopping on every country in the Middle East, my tickets and luggages are standing by. I know I sound too desperate, but I am hungry for this. This will not just give  me sense of fulfillment, but a stability in life as well. I already reluctantly renounced one dream, I won't let it happen again. I do not want another broken dream.

My biggest fear now is to say this line after a long run... "I did everything, but God has another plan for me". Sadness will be felt, but I trust Him.