Like what I've been doing for the past years, blogging has become my way of expressing myself without doing it by word of mouth. Silently voicing out, it is. I start a blog shedding tears, then it calms me as I type each word. My reliever.
I want to make this post creative. I want to use metaphoric language so it would not be easily perceived by whoever can put up with this stupid personal blog. So they won't have a hint what I am going through. But thinking of metaphor junks would torture me more. One simple thing. I am hurting. So much...
At this very moment, sleep does not want to welcome me. So many things are spinning in my head. Right at this very moment, I want to disappear. I want to be gone. Otherwise, just be a kid again. Can I be that again?
I wish I could zip into the past where my innocent mind makes the flow of life easier; When the only lie I could utter is a friend ate the pie, though it was really me; When the only sin I could commit is either littering or loitering; When toys are the only things I could play with; When the most painful thing I could ever feel is the bruise on my knee.
It is so different now. No more innocence, all wrongness. I can curse everyone. Lies are my favorite words. I still litter and loiter. I actually do both at the same time. I create trashes and throw them to a loved one. Toys are too mainstream perhaps, hence, I play with people's feelings. Do you know the most painful thing I felt? Heartbreak.
Yes, it was all my fault. I want to be a kid again, so I can stop myself from doing a lifetime mistake. I want to be a kid again, grow up, and become a good person. When I become one, I will search for him, wherever he is. And when I find him...I will just love him and will never hurt him.
If a time machine would have a hard time sending me back to my toddler years, might as well bring me back to February 2013. That's only a year ago. A bit easier, huh?
I may sound very stoned now, but a part of me is still aware that there is no probability of this idea at all. But not waking up anymore is possible and I think, hoping for it is just alright.
I want to make this post creative. I want to use metaphoric language so it would not be easily perceived by whoever can put up with this stupid personal blog. So they won't have a hint what I am going through. But thinking of metaphor junks would torture me more. One simple thing. I am hurting. So much...
At this very moment, sleep does not want to welcome me. So many things are spinning in my head. Right at this very moment, I want to disappear. I want to be gone. Otherwise, just be a kid again. Can I be that again?
I wish I could zip into the past where my innocent mind makes the flow of life easier; When the only lie I could utter is a friend ate the pie, though it was really me; When the only sin I could commit is either littering or loitering; When toys are the only things I could play with; When the most painful thing I could ever feel is the bruise on my knee.
It is so different now. No more innocence, all wrongness. I can curse everyone. Lies are my favorite words. I still litter and loiter. I actually do both at the same time. I create trashes and throw them to a loved one. Toys are too mainstream perhaps, hence, I play with people's feelings. Do you know the most painful thing I felt? Heartbreak.
Yes, it was all my fault. I want to be a kid again, so I can stop myself from doing a lifetime mistake. I want to be a kid again, grow up, and become a good person. When I become one, I will search for him, wherever he is. And when I find him...I will just love him and will never hurt him.
If a time machine would have a hard time sending me back to my toddler years, might as well bring me back to February 2013. That's only a year ago. A bit easier, huh?
I may sound very stoned now, but a part of me is still aware that there is no probability of this idea at all. But not waking up anymore is possible and I think, hoping for it is just alright.
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