Bewilderment

I feel like I've been riding on a roller coaster lately... A very fast roller coaster with several towering loops and has a super steep steel angle in the midst- that when it drops, my heart fumbles. There are moments that tickle me. Sometimes, it makes me nervous. Sometimes, I feel like crying. But mostly, this roller-coaster-ride-feeling scares the beejeezus out of me.

Random things have been unexpectedly happening to me, be it on my career or on a personal level. Someone asked me, "How do you feel? What is it?". I just answered, "You know it. You get me. Alam mo naman yun, 'di ba? 'Di ba? Balu mu naman ita." I wish I could provide much details about it, but I myself cannot explain how I feel. All I know is it affects me... Big time!

When the sun fills up my room and its ray beams down on the fleshy part of my face, my heart automatically chirks up. I feel happy. I feel inspired. I feel loved. But when stars start to form constellation, my mind starts to wonder that it eventually leads to bewilderment. I ditch these lonely puzzling nights most of the time and just utter "I'm fine with this". But I cannot be this for a long time. Time will come that I need to get out of this comfort zone. I need to decide. Which to choose... Where to go...

I am keeping my fingers crossed and hoping that this roller coaster is worth the ride.