For the past few months, I've been spending most of my rest days in bed- curling up while musing on my life... MY ENTIRE LIFE. I do not want to sound like I don't feel content with my life. I know a lot of people wish that they had what I have now (flying and traveling). But this body of mine is designed to be mortal. I have these muscles that can get weak. I have these nerves that might become overloaded. I have a heart that pumps and sometimes aches. I have this brain that has a tendency to get weary.
I wrote about this ordeal last month: "Lost and Empty". There came a point where I did not know what I want in my life and what I want to do. Do not get me wrong, please. I am thankful for the people and things in my life. So, I really do not know where I've come from and where these things have come from. Maybe, it's just that I am human and cannot always unleash the warrior in me.
I've been flying for 3 years now and each year has a different approach. My first year was all about new destinations, selfies, and OOTDs. Second year was a phase of building rapport with colleagues and determining who could be my family in this aviation world. My third year of flying was the same year when quarter-life crisis struck me. I must admit that a heartache was a big factor in this decisive period. But of course, this adulthood has something to do with it. I had a moment when I was sitting on my jump seat and wondering how long I will be in this line of work. I stopped feeling excited with new destinations and planning for my outfit. I became demotivated to the extent that I questioned my purpose already.
I thought of going back to corporate world. Perhaps, redevelop my passion for hosting/blogging. Becoming a housewife and a mother of 2 even crossed my mind, which is a silly, insane idea. These thoughts and feelings were like whirlwind inside my head.
But a few weeks back, I received two recognitions.
First award was from my Alma Mater, Centro Escolar University. I was recognized for embracing and practicing our core principles of "Ciencia y Virtud" (Science & Virtue). I tried to pull strings to be at the awarding in Manila on January 27, but did not make it due to flight schedule. However, my schoolmates sent me some photos during the event. I will soon visit our campus to see my professors and get the award. Yay!
On February 12, I received excellence award from my airline. I am one of the best cabin attendants of year 2017 in Riyadh base.
Despite the vacuity, I have always known that I am not alone in this plight. I have these people who truly believe in and appreciate me. These awards helped me redeem myself one way or another. It’s like a pat on my back, reminding me that I am valued and that many people still need my service. It motivated me.
Honestly, I'm still figuring out this life path. I may be lost and empty now, but there are some visible lights along the way that give me hope... that one day I will be able to define myself and be on top again.
