Persist Until I Succeed

The oldie face

Drained, enervated, exhausted, stressed, pressured, tired, enfeebled... Whatever you call it... I'm on my last legs and ready to drop!

I mentioned on my previous blog how my life became routine. My life lazily starts at 6 am, I get off my butt in the office at 9 am, drive back home at 7 pm to munch my dinner, do some exercises at 9 pm, then head to my bed at 11 or 12. Well, I do have little leisure that I fill with my family and some friends, but what's lacking is the "Me Time".

My station

"Me time" is for yourself. It is when you unwind, indulge, and groom. Alas, I don't have it! Sure, this is the main reason why I look older than my age. Exercising is my sole Me-time. However, I stopped beautifying myself. I go to the office with an ordinary getup (I even wear home-clothing sometimes as it would only be covered with "abaya"). Maniped no longer exists because cutting nails is enough. My eyebrows are invading my forehead. I missed my laser underarm hair removal session as I feel lazy to visit the far-off clinic, instead I do plucking. I am tired from office work that makes me want to drift to bed and catch Zzzz's.

Sole me-time

@ Tokyo

Time management may be the best solution. But I do not think it would work on this desert kingdom. I need to be accompanied by my father to hit the parlor or gym for my safety, or else some jerky teenagers might grab me. But I cannot drag my father each time I want to go to these pampering places as he has job/errands too.

The I-look-older-than-my-age picture

I am under stress that I just want to scream sometimes. Unhappy, I am. I do not want to complain about my way of living because these are blessings from up above; my job, this place, this lifestyle. But sometimes, I can't help. All I can do is close my eyes, hear my heartbeat, and convince myself that this challenge is easy-peasy-lemon-squeezy. It is not only me who is struggling in this place. Actually, I am one of the luckiest folks here as I am employed and live with my whole family.

I have no idea how long this will take. Forever is possible here. But I hope not. I know each of these is helping me hone my future and be stable. There is no easy job anyway. And most of all, there is no easy way to success. I am just glad that God gave me family and friends who outweigh that any of dilemma I carry.

See my life lately with my stress relievers:

@ Tony Roma's

@ Steakhouse

with my TFC family @ home

with my kuya pinsan and tito's

my KT family

A little indulgence

with my high school BFF @ Pizza Company

The happy stressed face

Outrageous

Full of hopes and dreams,

Says yes to goodness, says no to depravity.

Hears the beat of the drummer,

That makes the heartbeat warmer.

Decrepit heart is entrapped.

Drumbeat is an abandoner.

Smokes dope, hails Mary Jane.

Kisses Jack Daniel for 24 hours straight.

Strips naked, runs in the hall.

Betroths to orgy... the dirtier, the merrier.

Skips school, gets the bullshite red mark.

Heads to Connecticut, fires little kids.

Robs a bank to watch Batman the movie,

Let the bullets fly inside the theatre.

Pothead hurts the bejeezus outta.

Damn that drumbeat!

Welcome to the outrageous world!
Soul is ready, soul will embrace it.

Half Stranger, Half Swain

Insecurity Does Not Kill

Nowadays, the word "insecure" is in the mouth of the majority of the teenagers. When other criticizes him/her, s/he immediately anticipates insecurity is the prime reason. And when s/he says it, s/he thinks the person is envious of her/him. I tell you what, I am not familiar with the word "insecurity". I am not going to talk about those people who throw negative comments at others resulting from envy. It is the other way round.

Rarely do I use this controversial word. You can count on your fingers how many times I pronounce it in one whole year. Sure, I have haters (Who does not?), but I never accused them being insecure. Not because their judgments are true. Nearly all of those are brickbats, but still I never called them one. As far as I can remember, the last time I think of a person being envious of me was way back first year high school. It never happened again afterwards.

Maturity played its role maybe or it could be I began to see the colorful side of life. But I believe that contentment is the key here. When you are contented with your life, you tend to bury all negative things around you. As for me, I am beyond happy with my life. Yes, I don't have everything but I am very much contented, indeed. This is what makes me overlook those numbskulls who love dashing animosity towards me. Not just that, I actually find every person around me beautiful/handsome and nice most of the time.

Stop accusing others being insecure or envious of you. Well, he could really be, but do not criticize back and just make him feel he is also wonderful instead.

To Tom From Angela

Dear Tom,

I've tried to tell you this, but I could not. I've felt scared. Or maybe I've felt shy. Or it could be I felt guilty. I do not have the courage to say this to you so I am writing you this...

I always get annoyed when you suddenly tickle me or kiss my cheek in front of other people and you still laugh at me. Did I ever say that I get fuzzy from inside?
I always get toe cramps because of wearing high heels all the time and you are there to massage my feet. When was the last time I said you are a gentleman?
You always hold me close and say "please stay here a little longer" but I never granted that request. Did I ever mention that I love to be with you always and all ways?
I always complain about how big my eye bags are and you are there to tell me that I am still beautiful. When was the last time I said you are sweet?
I always mock the spaghetti and bread rolls you cook for me and I would just see you pulling a face at the corner. Did I ever mention that you cook so well?
You always try to get home early after your gig so I would not be worried but still I get mad at you. When was the last time I said you are very tolerant?
I love baby talks when I please you and eventually force you to do the same way. You tried so hard to talk like a baby and I insult you. Did I ever say you look so cute when you do so?
You are willing to drive the whole city just to give me the impossible-to-find food I crave for and I get upset if you do not find it. When was the last time I said you are thoughtful?
I rise my voice to you when I am being stubborn then you would grab my hand to kiss it and say "Angela, please stop?" with your soft voice. When was the last time I said you are patient?
I get irritated when I get jealous of a girl or even when you get jealous of a guy, but either way, you are still the one who apologizes. When was the last time I said you are the only one?

One time, I called you stupid. But I was definitely wrong. I am the one who is stupid. I am self-centered. I only care for myself and you care so much about me. I can be the most stubborn girl but you can be the sweetest guy in this world. Despite the patience and kindness you've been showing me, I chose to hurt you. I just focused on your flaws and overlooked all beautiful things about you. I am sorry. I am sorry if I stopped appreciating you. I am sorry if I stopped thanking you. But you gotta remember that I never stopped loving you. You are a wonderful person, Tom. You are...

Love,
Angela

Valentine's Is Just Around the Corner

Someone asked what my ideal Valentine's date is and this was my answer:

After that, I was like "Hey! What could be my ideal valentine's date?" I have never planned for this special day, maybe because surprises from a guy would always pop out first. So, I deeply thought about it. Imma tap away and share my thoughts:

1.) Adventure-filled Escapade
Let us not go with the usual things, like chowing at a fine-dining resto. Eating is a necessity, so you can dine at any restaurants you hanker after, ANYTIME. I believe something adventurous would be a nice idea. You can go on a road trip all the way to Tagaytay and try the zipline/cable car. You may like to scream with Bohol's The Plunge. I have also a friend from Olonggapo. She said you can encounter exciting ventures at the place. Well, this is not something mushy but all these undertakings are heart-dropping. Lol!

2.) Child-at-Heart
Many of you may not find theme parks romantic. This may not be apt for Valentine's. But I would love to feel scared before I ride a roller coaster, then a lover would gently hold my hand to soothe me. That way, I would feel secured. Ugh! The corniest thing ever. Haha! Kiddin' aside, we need to be kids again. We need to play, run, and chuckle like children once in a while. And theme park is the best place where we could act like one. The 2 giant amusement parks in the Philippines are Star City and Enchanted Kingdom. This kind of place would help you exhale bad vibes.

3.) Sandy Beach
I would be in awe if I see a gold sunset reflection on water. This is the first thing I would look for when I go to a beach. Couples can sit on the shore as they watch the sunset. This could be a very romantic moment for the two of you. Also, there are several activities that can be done on this place, from snorkeling to scuba diving. Of course, there is plenty to do on top of the sea, as well, from sailing to water skiing.

4.) Movie Marathon
Bring out all your DVDS. Try all film genres. I have a long list of movies I like to view and most of them are about romance. I don't care if you find me hopeless romantic. I would love to watch "The Notebook" while lying in someone else's arms and gobbling either nachos or popcorn.

5.) A Ride for Pleasure
Joyrides are amazingly gratifying... for me. You and your partner can wander the city. No need for destination. Seeing the lovely surrounding in the morning and its bright lights in the evening could release all stress. Play your fave songs to be more relaxed. If you happen to see a particular place during the trip, downshift and stop the car. Go and visit!

Apparently, my ideas are not that super-duper romantic. No flowers, no chocolates, no ring because these stuffs could not make this day extraordinary, neither the place where you plan to spend it at. Why? It is because both of you hold the magic that creates sweetness and that turns Valentine's into a very romantic day. :)

Review & Reflect Upon the Year 2012

Year 2012 was said to be the "end of the world". See my index finger waving in front of your face as I say "I don't think so". For me, this is just the "beginning of a new world".

In 2012, I embraced change in all aspects of my life. The whole me changed physically, mentally, and emotionally. I would not say I became mature as I am still the bubbly, childish, loquacious,and not-so-tall girl who came from the north. Physically, I have grown older and bigger so I am currently fighting with all these fats in my body and eye bags too! Also, I believe, my eyes poured a bucket of tears this year. This is primarily due to the fear of not seeing people close to me anymore, specifically my college friends. This triggered too much emotions. After I finally accomplished my 4-year bachelor degree, I had to hand down a job at Saudi Arabia to earn a living. Like what I said before, the collegian has turned into a career woman.

Professional realm was completely different and as a novice, I was tremendously challenged. This is prolly the highlight of the year. It has affected my lifestyle, social life, and love life. Join me in tracing back the past...

January

~Welcomed the year 2012 with my relatives. After several years, we did the ceremonies our family used to do like exchanging gifts, praying, and eating together.

~Miss & Mr. CEU 2012 Pre-pageant was held at CEU - Mendiola. I delivered the declamation speech "No Hope in Dope" made by Uncle June for the talent portion.

~First bonding with Sir Sam at a certain bar near ABS-CBN then headed to his crib to sleep for 30 minutes only.

~Miss & Mr. CEU 2012 candidates were the guest audience of Umagang Kay Ganda.

~Miss & Mr. CEU 2012 was held. I bagged the 2nd runner-up title as well as my partner, Kuya Windsor. It was actually unexpected. I was losing my hope at first but when I confidently answered the question during Q&A portion, I was able to redeem the hope that I could somehow share victory with my supporters and Alma Mater. For more blurb, click this "My Journey to Miss CEU 2012".

February

~After I accomplished my TV on-the-job-training at ABS-CBN last December, I began my radio OJT at Central Luzon TV / RW 95.1 which is situated at San Fernando, Pampanga. I opted to work neither at ABS-CBN nor GMA because I got tired of living in Quezon City. It made me sick of driving along NLEX! And I really love to roll on my pink bed at home and eat tasty food prepped by my uncle. Glad that Jenny, a classmate, was with me. Thus, my work was not that tough. I was lucky to have good superiors like DJ Alex, DJ Kian, DJ Tyra, and Sir Perry.

~I had no date on Valentine's day but Daryl made it out of the ordinary. He left tulips, a cake, and balloons at our terrace.

~Spent quality time with my Super Friends. We went to different restos, bars, and malls.

~Research Forum. Marianne and her thesis-mates represented CELAS and eventually competed with CEU Mendiola and Makati campuses. We fully supported and cheered for them.

~On the 26th of February, a frolic night was spent with Kuya Pao, Kuya Jesson, Keith, and Maine. Kuya Pao and Maine were the emcees of an 18th birthday celebration. After the party, they accompanied me home.

~Celebrated Raiza's birthday at Kabisera.

~Uncle Ross flew back to the Philippines from USA for a short vacay.

March

~A supercalifragilisticexpealodocious out-of-town summer escapade with my friends at Poracay.

~My cousin Ate Marissa and Kuya CJ's wedding day.

~Our friend from CEU-Makati, Ate Jane, regaled us on his birthday at Hap Chan.

~Practicum Graduation. I spilled a lot of tears. Find out why "A Hell of a Lot of Tears".

~Baccalaureate Mass and Sampaguita Interlude, tradition of CEU.

~Pabasa. I got the opportunity to catch up with my childhood friends.

April

~My family arrived in the Philippines from the Kingdom of Saudi Arabia.

~Graduation day plus after-party. At last, my family met the good people from my Alma Mater.

~A goodbye hug to/from mistletoe guy

~Daryl's graduation day.

~Seifeldheen's birthday.

~My 2 nephews had their first sight on and step at the movie house. We watched The Avengers.

~Kuya Michael's despidida party.

~A close encounter with wild animals at Zoobic Safari.
~Silvestre family invaded Tagaytay.

~The weather was too hot that we found ourselves taking a dip at Jed's.
~My family met my pokie bestfriend Marianne.

May

~Ate Yayah (big sister) and Ate Marie's (cousin) birthdays.

~Tita Carol came back all the way from USA. She and my mom hugged each other again after 4 years.
~Silvestre clan spent summer at Poracay.
~Daryl gave mama a bouquet and a cake on mother's day.

~Surprised Daryl for our 5th anniversary.

~Last date with my super friends for the year 2012. We wandered at the city of Angeles and decided to chow down at Kabisera so we could be with the busy-bee Ariane.
~Masel's was welcomed to the Christian world.
~My parents' big treat at Jollibee

~I needed to leave for Riyadh, Saudi Arabia and to hunt a job. I kissed him goodbye.

~I was able to be with a childhood friend, Kuya Junior, in the kingdom.

June

~Got my first full-time job. I was hired by International Group for Educational Consultancy as an admission officer.

~I became part of ABS-CBN TFC's Kabayan Tambayan. I am one of the segment hosts. Fortunate I am to meet wonderful people. Sir Roland, Kuya JP, Brian, and Kuya Timothy were the first people I worked and became friends with.

~My nephews, Seifeldheen and Saifrinzhe, hit their first day of school. We were so excited that we spent several moolah for their school sstuffies. Also, I had fun watching cute little kids having cried on their first day, Seifeldheen was one of them. So adorable!

~Received my first pay, then wined and dined at Peking restaurant.

July

~I met the most insolent person in my life. I believe she is a crone.

~I experienced a tough challenge in my salaried living. As a novice in an admission work, making mistake is unavoidable. I made a handful of mistakes in dealing with files/cases. There was this certain person who heightened everything at its worst and made federal case out of it, instead of disentangling it.

~My first time to weep inside our office, in front of my officemates. Embarrassing it was, I know! Lol!

~Sir Sam, who was our choreographer during Miss & Mr. CEU 2012, died. A former co-candidate told me the news that it shocked me big time.

~I had our first most tiring shooting. 2 different distant locations in one day.

~Mom's birthday.

August

~Celebrated my birthday at Buffalo's. T'was my treat! Someone created a website for me. I felt grateful because I knew how laborious it is to program such thing with all those complicated java/CSS/HTML codes and stuff.

 ~Made a little birthday celebration at our office.
~Ramadan. We went resto-hopping!
~My 2 nephews had their first dance as they handed the roses to the debutante who celebrated her 7th birthday.

September

~Saifrinzhe celebrated his birthday in school with Birdie of McDonald's on the 1st day of the month so did Irah on the 10th day.

~Papa's simple birthday hooley at home.

~I ended the romance.

~Ate Joan, a very kind-hearted colleague, left IGEC.

~ABS-CBN TFC's Balitang Middle East Riyadh correspondent shot their OBB.

~My first funshoot with Kuya Timothy and Brian.

~Jae Ann's 18th birthday party. I finally saw my RIS family.

~BME correspondents and KT hosts' Ramadan escapade at an esteraha.

~Winkie guy caught my attention.

~I was broken that time but my TFC family unconsciously cheered me up due to many events and hangouts that took place.

~TFC Riyadh correspondents and hosts' own version of Gangnam Style music video shooting. Click the link to see the flick "GANGNAM STYLE - ABS CBN TFC BME & KT Central Region"

~After 3 years, it was nice to hang out with Fatima Sala again. We invaded Riyadh's Star City.
~Ramadan - half-day work

October

~Mom and Dad's 32nd anniversary celebration at an esteraha and T.G.I.Friday's restaurant.

~Kuya Timothy's despedida party. He needed to go back to our homeland due to his visa expiration.

~One woman stopped existing in my world. Hurrah!
~Hajj - No work for 5 days
~Ma'am Gulla, who was my Math teacher when I was in college, died.

November

~Winkie guy started to make me blush.

~I was Kuya JP's co-host during the FAPS Music Video Premier. A good stepping stone. 

~I became close to a monkey guy
~After 3 months, my ex-beau and I got a chance to  talk again.
~Watched PBA Legends game.
~My sister and his hubby bought a new car

December
~Hosted FAPS Star Quest with Brian.
~Dumped monkey guy
~No more winkie guy
~Went to farm
~Celebrated Christmas
~IGEC's year-end party. Our counselors danced the Gangnam Style. :D

Honestly, year 2012 is the most unforgettable year for me... so far. I used to be the kind of person who would be thankful for the past and would excitedly ponder what the future holds. Well, I am still thankful... even more thankful actually. But, now that it is 2013, I feel like I left a baggage in the past. I have this feeling that I have a few unfinished business in 2012 that they keep pulling me back. The only reason I could think of is that I miss being a student in the Philippines and not in readiness for a new responsibility. I don't know. Weird it is! But don't get me wrong! I am very grateful for what 2012 has brought into my life... For all the opportunities and new wonderful people! I guess, I made more friends this year than the previous ones (and I want to meet more, the good ones of course). And what makes me much happier is that I see the same faces (which I began to see since I was kid) this new year. I would like to thank the following:

• my parents, 2 sisters, 2 nephews,
• relatives
• Super Friends
• TFC (Kabayan Tambayan & Balitang Middle East)
• Esponilla Family, Alamada Family
• CELAS
• Mr. & Ms. CEU 2012 family
• CEU (Malolos, Makati, Manila)
• FAPS
• CLTV / RW 95.1
• IGEC-mates
• Bornalians
• Facebook Friends / Online Buddies
• other friends and foes

And of course, my creator, Almighty Allah!

2012 just waved goodbye. Here is the next phase of my life and I think I shall call it "MY YEAR". Teehee!

_____________________

See my other retrospectives:

2009 - "God made my 2009 a blissful year!!!"
2010 - "A Retrospective of 2010"
2011 - ""Let's Revert to the Year 2011!"