Note to my 23-year-old-self

I started this post through narrating the crap I put into my life. I was about to finish the 2nd paragraph when I realized... Here I am again, recounting my downfall. It's as if I cry for sympathy. Lol! Hence, I raped backspace key for revision. Haha!

Since I just turned 23 last month, I want to collect more good vibes. Also, I realized that frequent discussion of your misfortune and mistakes may plunge you deeper into the hole. Thus, I need to do some decluttering in my life.

I made a list of things I need to do so as to gain life betterment. Here they are:

1.) Nuff with virtual drama
A bit of explanation is stated above. I've been posting about my bitterness on twitter, IG, plurk, and blogspot. I should minimize doing such. I will not completely stop this virtual sharing, especially on this page you are currently at. As you may know, blogging gives me relief. I think, if I were to share, it should be something that could inspire others. If I were to express, it should be something that would not hurt others.

2.) Productive
When I was still jobless, I was just staying at home and was doing chores. Proud to say I had been doing laundry and ironing. T'was tough, you know! Haha! Presently, I work at the office from 9 am to 6 pm. I am unable to help my mom with it. When I get home, it is either I take a nap or play Clash of Clans. Lol! I need to lessen the time I spend on unnecessary naps and mobile games. Do the chores and run errands as soon as possible. Also, I must bake and juice again.

3.) Healthy lifestyle
Juicing, exercising, and consuming healthy food have been ditched by yours truly. Body toning becomes harder as one gets older. I am planning to be fit again. Reduce munching too much sweets and fries, plus perform some exercises. However, I doubt that I will be consistent with this, especially when mom loaded a basin with packs of M&M's

4.) Negative people
People with a bucketful of negativity are pervasive and contagious. I, being a prophet of doom, easily gets influenced by them. Some of them wear very charming masks but their hearts have bad intention towards you. Some appear to be extending their hands, but their unconscious minds want to prove something on your face. Moreover, people who do not want me in their lives must be out of mine too. Giving them freedom will set me free.

5.) Frugality
Since I am now employed, I should be mindful of the future in spending moolah. No more binge shopping. If I am to indulge myself, imma make it grand but has to be done once a year only.

6.) Groom yourself
Onlookers think I am beauty-conscious, but my family and close friends know how simple I could be. Seldom do I groom myself. Comb the hair, apply powder and wear pink lipstick - my oh-so-quick routine before going out. I swear, I do not know how to put on my make up. I always end up caking my face with it. Being presentable is a must for a 23-year-old lady. Thus, I shall exert more effort in learning of make up application.

7.) Stay Connected
For the past months, I've been busy with random stuffs. I ignored my FB messages. I forgot to say hi to my college and high school friends, nor did I even bother to visit their FB wall to get updates. I will try to read all my unopened messages and respond. I will try collecting my super friends' mobile numbers again. Hihi!

8.) Optimism
One thing I hate about myself is being a pessimist, to the point where my self-esteem reaches the ground. I've been battling with pessimism. I hope I can win in the battlefield.

9.) Pursue my dream
I posted on my other blog before that I have one last dream. My life has been a roller coaster lately. I want some changes. I want improvement. I may not be successful in achieving my dream, but I know I could obtain the changes and improvement I want during the whole process.

10.) Pray More
I do not forget God. He is always in my mind and heart. I just want to talk to him more.

So, these are the 10 things... or I should say my 10 goals after turning 23. I am praying and hoping that I won't need to celebrate another birthday to accomplish them. Lazim!

Would you lie with me and forget the world?

I pushed the door. The breeze kissed my skin right away. It was cold, I guessed? But my head was boiling up inside that turned cool breeze into nothing in just a snap. I felt queasy as I walked out of the bar. Heavy head. I knew there were many people moving through, but I was seeing the image spinning.

I headed to the parking lot to look for my car. I was too wasted I stumbled about. Did I get hurt? No. Numbness, what do you expect? I breathed heavily, then lay on my back.

On the spur of the moment, a twinkling up above captured my attention. The spinning image became blurry. I was trying to figure out what it was... until clear sky happed.

I got stupefied! The round and bright moon was beautifully hanging high in the sky, surrounded by bright white stars. Such a wonderful starry sky! My world stopped. The busy area hushed. Numb, yet a pinch of sanguinity was twirling in me.

A few more minutes, I heard a big, loud voice from the open parking lot, "What are you doing here?" A familiar face sprang upon my face. His head covered the scenic panorama of the bright sky. "Get up", he was shouting while grabbing my right hand. "This is a parking lot, not a bedroom where you can just lounge. Do you wanna get hit by a car?", he scolded me.

"The moon and stars look very wonderful. I just wanna stare at them until they're gone. Lying here makes me forget the world", I answered as I eyed the most lustrous star above.

Shaking his head, he sat beside me. He took off his biker's jacket and placed it on my thighs. "Be still but don't let others spot that floral fabric underneath", he jokingly said. I was wearing a red fitted dress. Smile was seen on my face. Him, witty!

Gabriel knows how hard-headed I could be, especially when I battle with depression.

Suddenly, he lay on my right side. I was so surprised. He then stared at the sky. I thought he would utter compliments about it. But...

"You do not drink. Worse, you let yourself get drunk. What happened?", he drily asked.

I did not want to speak. I was just looking straight at this person who sprawled on the dusty pavements of the parking lot to join my absurd idea, without hesitations.

From having gazed up, Gabriel turned his head to the left. "Why did you drink? Tell me", he repeated.

"You know what?", I began. I looked up again. "If Simon finds me lying here, he would ask me to arise. If I insist, he would prolly leave. Yes, he would be worried about me, but of course he cares more for himself.  Thus, you would see him running to the next club. You know, to entertain himself," I continued. "I have nothing against it because I fully understand how he feels. He is the fall guy... the sufferer... the victim," I closed my eyes for a while and took a deep breath. "He would let me lie in this chaotic world," I crossly said.

Silence...

"Gab, I also hurt you, remember?" I recalled. "A lot! I cheated on you. I blew all the sacrifices you made for me. I destroyed all our dreams, your dream," I said. Tears started to fall.

I raised my voice, "I deeply fell in love with another guy, though I was engaged to you. I ran away from our wedding ceremony! I betrayed you!"

He was very still. I wondered what he was thinking.

"I do not understand. Despite the misery I gave you, you are still here beside me," I said with my whipping voice. "Why can't you leave me? Why can't you turn your back on someone stupid who broke your heart and dreams?", I sobbed

"You are stupid more than you think," heavy words uttered by calm lips. "You brought everything to nought. You jilted me in front of the altar, in front of our loved ones. You ruined all the things we planned and we dreamt of. You made me feel like I'm a trash," he imperturbably said.

How could he keep such composure when he speaks from an aching heart?

"That is my point!", I answered as I moved upward to sit down. "I treated you like a trash and you're still here," I angrily said. Dizziness started to be felt.

"I'm okay here, alright? I can go home by myself. Leave me now", I commanded him.

"I will not," he calmly responded.

"I am stupid. But you are more stupid for staying next to me!", I yelled.

Hard-headed Gabriel did not listen. He was still lying there, staring up above. But apparently, he was controlling his tears from falling.

I was badly pissed off. My head got heavier and heavier. I was experiencing terrible vertigo. I lost my energy. "Why do you choose to stay?", I whispered.

He sat down. "First, you are a woman, drunk, and incontrollable. I am mad at you, but it does not mean I could just ditch you in times like this, in a place like this. Second...", he paused

"Yes, I am so so so mad at you," he emphasized. "Lying on a parking lot is completely lame. But you told me, doing so makes you forget the world. And I also want to forget everything. Forget what happened, forget what we're told. I am not sure how this incredibly irrational idea would work but...", he was stuttering.

He gulped and said, "Being with you makes me forget the pain. I am hurting, but being with you gives me bliss."

When he bowed his head, I knew he was crying already. And so did I. I was hardly crying, I was about to faint.

"You look pale. You need to get home", he said. He stood up and carried me.

The last thing I could remember is... I threw up all over his shirt when he carried me.

I feel a hammering headache now and my stomach is in pain. So, this is what hangover is huh?

I better call my sister and ask what happened last night.

Iʿtikāf

Religious - I am not, but I am not forgetting Him. I pray. I thank Him. I ask for forgiveness. I ask help from Him.

In the 2nd week of Ramadan, a good friend of mine invited me to join her in camping. Being a home buddy, I was hesitant in the beginning as it would take 3 days and 2 nights. Nonetheless, I accepted the invitation. I was very down at that juncture, and so I realized that perhaps it would be the perfect time to talk to Allah at His house.

On the 24th of July, I packed up my stuffs and headed to the mosque in Umalhamam. I honestly had no idea about the setup, the process, or even its essence. I went there with the good intention up my sleeve - repentance & guidance.

My first night was not that happy, maybe because I was so ignorant and a bit culture-shocked.

When the night fell, the whole mosque became thronged. That night was believed to be the special night where Allah would shower all his blessings to the people inside His home. Hence, many people entered the mosque to do the Tarawih. I may say it was the most amazing prayer I've ever made. The place was crowded that made it hard for me to perform sallah. But I did not care! I prayed with all my heart. It was the first time I felt God is just beside me, embracing me. I cried so hard as I asked forgiveness from Him for all the sins I have committed. Unexpectedly, I started to hear other whining voices, not just mine. Then suddenly, I heard the muezzin whined as he recited prayer. I believe they also felt God's presence.

The entire second day was spent praying and reading religious books. I was so happy to finish a book. You see, I never gave reading books a go. This was the first time!

I returned home on the 26th. Having taken my clothes off, I saw bruises on my both knees. They became a bit darker. But I kid you not, those bruises made me feel proud of myself. It's an accomplishment; a lot of first times and realizations. The best realization I had is the equality inside the mosque. All women are draped with simple clothes, with no makeup and studs. Everyone shares what she has. They talk to and assist each other. You would not perceive who the wealthy ones and simple ones are. No one dominates. You might be sitting beside a person with a royal blood thou.

No words could perfectly explain this experience. At the moment, I believe my repentance has been accepted by God. He did not just fix my heart. He fixed my entire soul.

And you know what, I just discovered that I'tikaf is a retreat. I have always wanted to go on a retreat. Unpremeditatedly, I had. 

Dispirited

(This is a page/place where I muse with honesty. Open-minded people (especially those who love to read) would give advices. Bigoted people would surely hate.)

"I am never rich, but I am one of the cream of the crop", I must say the best words that could describe the OLD ME. Never did I hope to be the best among the rest; I just wanted to be one of the best. Never did I impress people; I just showed them what I got when needed.

Back in high school, I was very determined to do well in everything I do. But neither surpassing others' achievements nor overshadowing fellows was my intention. I only wanted to excel. However, I unconsciously set and perpetuated my standards a tad higher. I was a consistent honor student and student leader. I performed in every school program. I was the school muse for every interschool competition. Funny to say, I had the same measures for other inessential things; such as the idea of a cheerleader is for a varsity jock SLASH captain ball; or it could be having a boyfriend who is a campus crush because he is a band member; very likely we would be the prom king and queen of the night. This went on up to the time of college.

Now, why do I say this? Bragging is not in my mind. I am trying to discover a resolution for the depression and frustration I've been carrying for almost a year. A year after graduation, I made decisions with bad timing and I also committed mistakes. And so, life has been painfully challenging me. I am jobless, I have not achieved my goals yet, my dreams have not come true, and I lost 2 beautiful relationships. All of this made me feel so down. Imagine this. I was an honor student and now, I am unemployed. I was adored by people and now, some disapprove of me because of my past relationship and the way I dress. That hurts though. I was treated like a queen by suitors and now, I feel like I am not good enough for anyone. I used to represent school or even a municipality/city and now, I feel useless like no one needs me. My self-esteem is gone. I feel lost that sometimes I do not enjoy life. Setting standards does not exist as I am feeling low. These thoughts and emotions are dragging me right into the chasm of self-pity where one negative thing will draw many more other negative things to it.

I fully understand that a man cannot have the lime light forever. Life has its ups and downs. One cannot be on top every single day. Remember I never wanted a spotlight; I just wanted to do well in everything I do. Where is that determination I used to have? I can no longer see it.

I avow, it's my fault. Hence, I need to pick myself up. I have to redeem myself. I hope and pray that one day, I will be able to tilt my head up again.

Hug from Behind

 

When was the last time you hugged me from behind? Was it a day before our anniversary? Oh yes! It was in Minato, Tokyo. I remember you were wearing this long-sleeved polo, buttoned all the way up. You looked so good, which is not unusual. You always do. And I was draped with an orange dress. I wonder if you liked it. Thousands of red lights sparkled. The cool breeze of air created warmth in us. People's chatting voice from afar just suddenly turned into chirping birds in the hedges. This beautiful surrounding begot a romantic mood. That perhaps, it pushed you to come from my behind. You wrapped your hands and arms around my waist as you rested your head against mine. Was it the first time you did it to me? I believe so. And I think, it's the last.

 

That hug from behind made me feel so special and important. It was the moment that I had a feeling that you need me. I do not know how and/or what you need from me. Maybe, you need me because I am part of your dream. I am in it??? It could be the relief I give you when you are stressed. Or maybe you need me to have someone you can chitchat with each time you are bored in the office. I have no idea. I am not even sure if you really do need the useless and hopeless me. I just want to say that your hug is not just a hug for me. It means more. It is not a typical touch. It speaks from the heart, where I just want to get stuck on and into.

Polaris Prophecy

 

Polaris Prophecy

 by: Joseph Adefuin

 

Scenario: Year 2028. Is it 2 decades ago? It must be.... Date: May 1, 2028. I glance at the calendar. May 15 has a red circle. A red-letter day. Gosh! where's the note I got? Next week is our first class reunion. Excitedly, I get hold of the invitation card "Reunion of RIS: X- Polaris Batch 2007-2008, Ballroom of the Grand Plaza Hotel, 8:00 pm" Oh my! I still have nothing to wear! I turned on the television to watch TFC. Having been away for 10 years, they should not know that I'm not updated with the latest trends in Manila....Whew! I must hurry up. TV Patrol World Headlines, the ASEAN SUMMIT in China, watching the news, my eyes caught H.E Norman Daryl Esponilla, President of the Philippines and DFA Secretary Faisal Pilingan Jr with other Presidents and Prime Ministers of other countries involved. Great! They really hitched their wagons to the stars. And to my surprise the journalist who made the report was none other than Annizah Camid, she really dreamt of being a journalist and a newscaster..good for her...I clicked on the remote to change the channel, MTV Asia... "Uhm...like hello guys! I am so excited with my upcoming comeback concert in the Philippines, Please be with me at the Araneta Coloseum on May 10, tickets are available in any SM Mall...Luvz ya al!" Hey isnt that Joseph Tabor? He is now a well known international singer, so he decided to make a come back to the Philippines after a luxurious life in Holywood? I turned the tv off and decided to read the Manila Philippine Star newspaper...My jaw almost dropped open when I saw the picture of the scientist who discovered the 12th planet, it's none other than Vincent John Bito-on, this quiet, eccentric guy during our Senior days has always dreamt of being a Mad Scientist, but it's good he chose to be a GOOD scientist. I turned the page to the sports column, "PBA All Stars...the Clash of the Titans", that's what the title says. I looked at the pictures of the players who are included in this basketball play off...I saw 3 very familiar faces who happen to be Ryan Arizo, Anthony Mark Dela Pena and Jello Joe Santos..Nice..professional basketball players..huh! and well known to be exact.

Going back to the Editorial page, got a glimpse of a column, "The View" by Precious Jo Abustan. I thought she continued with nursing? Oh well! this serene, nice girl during the good old days has always been low profile and loved writing. Who would have thought that she has her own column? Glancing at the society page, there's the lovely pictures of Kulsoom Mundoc, Ellen Charmane Cala, Alyanna Marie Tabor, Precious Ann Blanco, Jesika Lesli Leoveras and Mary Josephine Porlas as members of the Philippine Modern Dance Crew to represent the country in the Cannes Festival in France...(So, the Stewardess did fly their way to success!) They are to leave next month. Surely we'll be seeing each other for a long chat. Mind you, the Stewardess is to be billeted at the Manila-Vezcon Hotel and Resort owned by Mr. Alexis Maurice Peter Galvez...business do run in his blood...hehehe! It still puzzled me, I hope they all realized their dreams to be nurses..but I guess this is their forte...I just wish them luck..
Well, well....leafing through pages, I happen to take a look at the miscellaneous page. There I catch the news about a medical association having a fund drive for the urban slum dwellers in Manila.
The names Dr. Arthel Joshua La Valle, leading Cardiologist, Dr. Khen Aromin, visiting Dietician, Ms. Sharifa Rawda Yasin, head nurse of Manila Doctors Hospital, Juhainah Solaiman, head nurse of St. Luke's Medical Center, Ellen Marie Cuenca, head nurse Makati Medical Center and Ms. Anjanette Salubayba, a representative from the Red Cross lead the list of sponsors. Gee, what a great concern for the less-fortunate ones.
Wow! this news paper gave me all the information I need...looking at the Business and Leisure column, I was amazed to see Businessman/Socialite Robhel Ian Ambida, opening his Mole of Asia Boutique, the biggest Boutique to be opened in New Manila, reading this article I found out that Dante Pedro, an Architect designed the structure of the boutique. Hmmm...this confirm my other inquiries.

I looked at the time, it's 9 am...it's still early..I turned on my computer and went online...still reading the news about the Philippines on Yehey Online...oh...by the way this website is designed and created by Hawie Pingue, now a graphics designer together with Jericho Sta. Maria, a web developer. I was browsing the website for information regarding the new GPS system, the latest break through in communication...my eyes popped open when I read the names Riyah Mae Dellosa and Kevin Joshua Cala, E.C.E Specialists..so they're the ones who created the GPS system? Why didn't I know that?
That night, I packed my belongings and went to the airport. I was so excited, this is our first class reunion ..and after 10 years I'm going back to the Philippines. Time for take off! "Ladies and Gentlemen, please fasten your seat belts and turn off any electronic device. In just a few minutes we will be taking off...Our pilot Jofae Adefuin together with the cabin crew would flying with you for the next 12 hours, thank you for choosing Cathay Pacific.." the flight attentant announced. Since, the plane's going to take off the stewards and stewardess positioned themselves in the aisle for the flight safety demonstration. Hey wait...isn't that Genelyn Kaiklian? Yes...she is...it was nice seeing her fulfilling her dream to be a stewardess... "Ladies and Gentlemen, we are now approaching Ninoy Aquino International Airport...please keep your seat belts fasten and remain in your seats until the plane lands, thank you". The plane landed safely in the NAIA. It was such a long trip but it was worth it..Philippines I'm back...I sat for a few more minutes waiting for all the passengers to go out of the plane..I don't want to bump in the crowd..I don't want any hastle so just let them go out first...Ok..It's my time to go...on my way out..I almost faint when I found out that JR Urrutia, was one of the Cabin Crew...he was the Co-Pilot..can you imagine that?
So I'm here in Manila, staying at the Coconut Palace Hotel...a little bit tired...and have nothig to do..so i went online and checked my mails, Oh! an invitation sent by Engineer Jason Santiago through e-mail, he organized this reunion together with Raisa Baquisal owner of the Grand Plaza Hotel, Wow! this is big time. "Paging all RIS Seniors, hope you'll all attend the 1st grand reunion of Class 2007-2008..."

I could hardly wait for that day to come, I knew they hadn't heard from me for quite so long. Want a bet? I really missed them so much....remembering all the smiling faces, laughter, tears and frowns we had...reminiscing all the memories of RIS Polaris Class of 2007-2008...I realized how busy I was with my work..and what could that be? I am Josef Van Roel Adefuin, C.E.O and owner of EojZtudios Photography and Modelling Agency based in Los Angeles...
Atlast, it's our reunion night...I was entering the ballroom of the Grand Plaza Hotel..excited and nervous at the same time...I can see them one by one...I moved closer...

then...

"KRINGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG!!!!!
My alarm went on...huh? Hey wait! where am I? I looked at the calendar...Friday March 28, 2008...I am back in the year 2008! 20 years earlier...and it's our High School Graduation day! Does this mean that it was all a dream? It felt so real though. Whew! I wish it wasn't...but anyway...i better get up and be ready..in a few hours..we will be singing Connected and 36 Days...hahahaha! I just wish that it won't be just a dream..20 years from now....are we still like these? 5...10...15..20 forever and ever POLARIS BABIES!!!! well, lets just wait for our dreams to come true........
GOOD LUCK GUYS!!!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Extreme Fun at Sandbox

I was randomly surfing the internet, when I found a post about Alviera's Sandbox. I think it was from a blog. It caught my attention as I was also looking for an adventurous place to go with Patrick.  I found it cool as I discovered that it has a roller coaster zipline. Never heard. Never seen. It was actually my first time to learn about it. Wanting to know more, I browsed a lot more. I felt lucky to know that this Ayala's property is located in Porac, Pampanga. As you know, I reside in this province. They officially opened last April 12, 2014.

Immediately, I grabbed my phone and gave Patrick a ring. I was relaying about Sandbox with so much energy, like I wanted to drag him to the place at the moment.

Being spoiled by this guy, he took me to this amazing place on April 25, 2014. It is just skip and a jump away. You can take NLEX, then proceed to SCTEX.  It is just off the Porac exit. You would see the broad open area with many flags waving.

They offer different outdoor activities, and packages as well. We chose Package A.

Photo from Alviera Sandbox website

I have acrophobia (fear of heights), thus, most of the activities gave me a fright. I survived all, except one; wall climbing. Yes, it is an easy task, but it requires too much forceful physical exertion. Plus, the rubber shoes I borrowed from my little sister was very, very bulky, giving me a tough time to step on stones. I was halfway up the wall, when I gave up. Hihi!

Roller coaster zipline was my favorite. Aerial walk was the most challenging one, but I reached the finish line! Nailed it!

We were not able to experience its mini golf, as we were in a hurry.

Crew here are very kind and accommodating. They would even volunteer to be your official photographers. Haha! Also, there is a cafeteria in there where you can munch and rest. Their burgers and shakes are yum!

I would not overcome this extreme adventure without Patrick's help. Ain't even fun without him.

P.S.

A lot of our pals asked about Alviera's Sanbox location and how to get there after having posted our pictures. Yay! :)